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'Tis better to have loved and lost...
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March 8, 2005] |
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New livejournal. Add it. Friends only. Comment on it to be added. Ta da!!
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) swim_the_sky
Like I said. Add it. PLEASE!
swim_the_sky
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March 8, 2005] |
Ok. No more fighting. I'm done cussing people out on livejournal.
Hana: I don't think you are a bad person. I think you and I have a conflict of interest, but that you and I are both equally as bitchy and equally as nice.
Collin: You're opinionated. I don't resent you for that. You have a right to speak your mind and I value your integrity.
Tori: I have known you for a while and you and I have drifted apart since you moved, and I understand if you are mad at me because you are defending your friend.
Alician: I was never mad at you in the first place. I was very upset and hurt at the time we got in a fight but my reaction was not fair. I can only ask that you forgive me and that we live peacefully.
Ben: I'm still very sore about our fight and I'm not going to offer reconciliation for the moment. If you want to talk, let's talk face to face. I know you don't hate me as much as you say you do.
And to you all, I think that you are all mixed up in this for defending a friend, and I respect you for that.
This is not a sad attempt to make everyone like me, its just my way of offering peace, and promising I'M NOT going to throw any more punches through livejournal, and be nice to you as much as I can.
Did I forget anyone? If I did, comment, and we'll patch things up.
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March 7, 2005] |
Ok ok. I'm done fighting on livejournal. If you want to talk about this face to face ben, I'm all ears...and face I guess...but whatever.
I'd just like to say, my baby cousins are over. And I watched Cinderella and Thumbalina with them, and it really felt good. To just be a kid and stop worrying about boyfriends and tests and homework and friends and just be a kid. Then I did my math homework. And my SIX YEAR OLD COUSIN who is IN FIRST GRADE showed me:
5 + x=8
x=3
and
11 + x=13
x=2
and I was like WTF? UR IN FIRST GRADE!!! AND she's like "MY TEACHER TAUGHT US" AND I WAS LLIEWNRIEWKOWREIEWRWEKRWELJWEIORJWEROIWJ!!!! I mean wow. That kinda lost the kid feeling. But that's not the point. Isabel asked me where the characters in a movie go when the movie is off. And that's when everything sort of made sense to me. We can learn things as much as we want, we can learn
5 + x=8
x=3
and
11 + x=13
x=2
but we're still going to wonder about things that can't be explained. And you can teach me how to find slope intercepts, but I'm still going to wonder where the movie characters go when the movie is off. And you can tell me that the sky is blue because the light scatters when it hits the atmosphere and blue is the most abundant color or whatever the reason is, but I'm still going to wonder why it's blue. And you can tell me that the world revolves around the sun but I'm still going to wonder why there's gravity. And you can tell me whatever you want, but I'm still going to be the same person, with the same questions.
/////////////////////////////////
( Read more... )
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March 7, 2005] |
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Collin and Hana...why are you two even involved? Don't say it's because you're friends with Ben...that doesn't contain a reason to post stuff on MY livejournal. Ben- don't get me started. What are you talking about, you DIDN'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH ME AND I MANIPULATED YOU INTO IT? IF I recall I asked you what you thought about everyone thinking we should be together and you said let's leave it at friends and I said why don't we give it a trial and if either of us wants out then we'll stop no hard feelings. And you didn't say you wanted out, so I took that as you wanting to be with me. Not to mention that the entire time we were together (and Kaitlin Magowan and Rachel Keller and a whole lot of other people can vouch for me on this one)that you said that I was the greatest person alive and that you were lucky to have me and loved me with every fiber of your being and that you would never give me up for anything and that I was the most beautiful person you've ever seen and a whole lot of other stuff. So don't even pretend for one second that you didn't want to be my boyfriend. You loved every second of it. (Tori I'm trying really hard not to cuss) Ben also, why did you post that on your livejournal when it specifically says "and don't try to post this on your livejournal">? Hana, Collin, I'm not even reading your comments so don't bother, I'm not going to delete them though, just in case someone else wants to read them, but I'm not listening to you because you're not a part of this fight. Since Tori actually tries to make it fair and not take sides so much, I'm reading hers because she gives constructive critisism and notes things that Ben and I both do wrong instead of biased one sided opinions. Thank you.
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March 6, 2005] |
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whatever ben. You can say you were over me for a long time, but just a few days ago you said "I still have feelings for you and always will whether you like it or not." And for those people who know the whole story aren't going to comment on your livejournal saying what a bitch I am, they're going to know that you're just being a bitch because I broke up with you and you're still mad. And I never swore we'd be back together in a week even though at the time I believed it to be true. Ha, that's a laugh. Which reminds me of when you posted that livejournal entry and I told you it hurt my feelings and you said you were SOOOO sorry and you NEVER meant to hurt me and you'd do anything to make me feel better BLAH BLAH BLAH. To Hana and Collin- that is so like you two! To just point out stupid things I say, and stupid things I do. If you make an argument about something reasonable and wrong that I did THEN maybe I'll give a shit. Ben, I think that it was an invasion of Karina's privacy that you posted that on livejournal. I'm mad. I'm mad that you would THINK all that stuff about me. I'm mad that you would SAY all that stuff about me. I'm mad that you would FUCKING POST ON YOUR LIVEJOURNAL all that stuff about me. Because it's stupid and annoying, just like BEN. Ben, there's an ant on your foot. And I can't wait until Karina dumps you, you know what I'll say? HAIL CAESAR.
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[ | |
March 6, 2005] |
www.livejournal.com/users/edisiezalba
. ben. u. fucking. bitch. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! THOSE ARE ALL ACCUSATIONS!! YOU DUMBASS BASTARD. GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCKING BITCH. I CAN'T BELIEVE U. AND THAT WAS SO STUPID POSTING ABOUT U AND UR STUPID KARINA FRIEND, UR SUCH A POMPOUS IDIOT!! U MUST HAVE SUCH LOW SELF ESTEEM TO HAVE TO POST THAT.
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February 27, 2005] |
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Lalala. Weekend was super duper. Small earthquake, Katie and I jumped out of our skin. Too much homework. Kaitlin, Katie, Rachel, Abby, Michael, Michael L, Blaine, other Rachel (the one from showboat that katie knows somehow), the words "drop page", the make-fun-of-ability of Joe Fish/John Salmon, The ugly girl from Michaels livejournal, DEAN FROM GILMORE GIRLS WHO WE SAW AT TOWER AT THE GALLERIA!!!, Max Epstien, the oscars---truly made this weekend amazing. Thank you very much. Mrs. Sauve is still in my prayers.
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February 10, 2005] |
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mood |
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 Reborn |
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music |
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Experimental Film |
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Just when I wanted to die...just when I thought things were as down as they could be and weren't going to be better...a revelation occured, a new light was shined on the subject. And his name is Demetrey. And he is a zebra finch. And he has a purple cage. And I lined the cage with pages from Elle Girl, so his cage is pretty. I realized that things have to fall to pieces before they can be put back together again. And tomorrow I'm going to school and holding my head high because I'm done being sad. I'm not going to take it anymore. I'm not going to let myself destroy myself. I'm going to wake up. For tomorrow is a new day. I'm going to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and take flight. And I'm going to wake up to Demetrey, and I'm going to be happy. Because the world isn't such a bad place after all. And even though people cut, do drugs, drink, kill, eat cow, and die, I am going to enjoy my life until it is affected or ended. Because now that I've gotten all the tears out of my system, I'm ready to embrace the new day. And, oddly enough- today is the Islamic new year. Fancy that.
(PS, I learned how to play the left hand for heart and soul, so now brooke and I can switch off doing the different parts so she doesnt always get stuck doing the bottom half)
(PPS, maybe this is God's gift. Maybe this is repayment for the loss of Tweety and Gilligan (RIP). I like to believe that God repays for loss. I guess he just sent it to the wrong house.)
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| FRIENDS ONLY |
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February 6, 2005] |
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Just a few rules from now on:
- If you disagree with me, make a point, don't just say something mean or I'll delete the comment. I have no need for comments like that.
- Please keep the drama to a minimum.
- No more fights about the word EMO.
Just thought I'd say all that up front. And, if you don't know me:
- My name is Maggie
- I go to Campbell Hall
- I love to act
- I'm a vegetarian and I'm trying out veganism
- My favourite color is pink
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[ | |
February 6, 2005] |
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As of Now this Journal is FRIENDS ONLAY
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| Arnold Palmers |
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February 5, 2005] |
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mood |
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 complacent |
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Just got back from Kaitlins. L. O. L. I just want to say, I have a new answer to a particular question on a particular card we read, to which kaitlin's answer was "car". My new answer (before it was backstage at charlotte's web- i think u kno wat im talkin bout) is Kaitlin's Bed. L. O. L. anyway--theatre was fun
"I hate you. I really hate you. *Gimps off stage*"
"I was just saying it that way because if that were my mom I'd be yelling"
"Me: Sure.
Gabe:Really?! [You'll go to the party with me!?]
Me:yeah.
Gabe: HAIL CEASER!!!!
bonnie: Gabe, you need to do that on the inside." (FYI that was part of his monologue not him asking me out lol)
"You Can't like barney. He's mine. Mary, I dont think we can be friends anymore!"
Eww and the Arnold Palmers at CPK. Grossnessbeyondbelief. I put sweet n low in it and it made it ok. ttyl.
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| Who are you? |
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February 4, 2005] |
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 rooke got a cast. Katie and Kaitlin slept over last night. Kaitlin actually went mentally insane (lol DIDNT WE JUST WATCH THIS?!). We had a chorus performance. Brooke's mom saved my life and brought me a sandwich. I have to work on my english project. Life is hard. How do you know what to do? How do you know when to do it>? Whatever. I think I've basically figured out the different types of people. Maybe I'm wrong. If I am, screw it. (JUST FYI IN ADVANCE, NONE OF THESE ARE NECESSARILY BAD, THEY'RE JUST DIFFERENT)
The too cool to be the popular crowd. These people are considered the popular people by everybody else, but just an ilite group who always say "there are no popular people". These people are the ones most rumors form about, but are actually pretty fucking nice on the inside.
The dorky and proud. Openly of low "social status" but then can't help feeling rejected or excluded when not included because of theier place in social society.
The dorky but trying to improve. Counted in the overall category of those not invited to all the big parties, but willing to make the improvement to escalate and make new friends.
The one step up crowd. They're one step up from being in the former category, and are included on MOST guest lists. They may have friends in other groups, and are mostly drifters who stick together.
The 9.5s. The people who on a scale of popularity 1-10, are 9.5s. They are the people who mostly have friends in the too cool to be popular crowd, and are invited to all the big parties. However, they are very meticulus about grades mostly, and still hang out with the one step up crowd.
The addicts. They're usually stoners, or cutters, (not that people in other groups arent) but they hang out with each other, and everyone knows what they do. However, a lot of people just consider it a hobby to these people, and dont bother them much.
The drifters. They have a couple of friends groups, and usually have some reason for being excluded from the others (i.e. sexual preference, serious issues, past trauma, or having something physically wrong with them)
The not-so-lonley loners. A group of loners that hang out with each other, form a bond, and act as loners together. They are a living oxy moron.
The theatre buffs. The theatre buffs can also be parts of other existing groups, like dorky and proud, one step ups, 9.5s ect. These people are usually known for being into performing arts and usually have a reputation for that.
The in-betweeners. You never know who they are, only they truly know. Always trying to make a step up from one group to another. They usually feel obligated to be with one group but more fit for another, so just hang out in between until they have a reason to stop hanging out with the other group. (*PS This is nothing to be ashamed of, I can name 5 people right now who are a part of this category.)
The perks. The people who have parents in one buisness or another, so are able to get perks and invite friends along. These people are often used for such perks, but a lot of the time form a bond with those who use them, so end up staying friends with them anyway. Well known for their 15 minutes of fame when rumors start.
AND THIS IS JUST THE GIRLS! Just FYI, guys fit into most of these groups, but usually have small sects within, like the too cool to be popular-sporty crowd, which are people who are a part of the too cool group, but are really athletic, while others are not. and another FYI, our school doesnt necessarily have all these groups. We don't have Addicts who hang out with each other, so that group doesnt really exist at CH. Comment if you agree, or have more to add, or disagree.
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| Looking back...Wow. That meant something. |
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February 2, 2005] |
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mood |
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 tears of joy |
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music |
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Across the universe |
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I'd like to title this entry: "Wow. That meant something."
Literally 6 seconds ago I was on the phone with Brooke. And then I hung up. And then I read Kaitlin's lj. And then I cried. and I'm still crying. Because Now I know whats important to me. And I realized how much I love all my friends and how nice it is to just be a part of all the things that make people happy. And I think about my January, and like Kaitlin said, it was special. It was happy, and it was sad, and it was exciting, and it was nerve racking (however its spelled), and it was loud, and it was quiet, and it was sneaking out windows, and it was rainy, and it was lovely, and it was loving, and it was crazy, and it was sane, and it was dark, and it was light, and it was new, and it was old, and it was everything I've ever known being applied to 31 days. 31 days of sheer existance. Just being there, and feeling all the things I felt. If you hoestly were to ask me what the meaning of life was, I'd tell you- it's about Getting There. Not the Olson twins movie about their 16th birthday. I mean about GETTING THERE. Its about changing. It's about being who you are. Its about those 31 days. It's about that time where you look back and think "Wow. That meant something." Now, regardless, other times have meant things to me. November meant something to me, it was Godspell. And other times too. But January meant something to me. In those 31 days I confessed my darkest secret, learned devastating news about my best friend, danced in the rain, bought condoms, climbed out a window at 2 in the morning, and a helluva lot more. So, it only leaves one question...What will February bring?
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| If only Fujiki had allergies... |
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February 1, 2005] |
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mood |
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 new religion, new religion! |
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music |
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I'm singing about unitarian universalism |
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Allergies, Allergies, they will slay us all in the end. (That was me spoofing a quote from Sign Of The Chrisanthemum which we read in 6th grade. Fujiki or someone like that said it, but when he said it he said "Pride Pride" instead of Allergies allergies)
Well...not much else is new. Oh...Kay...watever mwah talk to u guys later
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| In Between Happiness |
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January 31, 2005] |
Well, it's over. The excitment, the joy, the happiness, the peace, the love...This is the time of year I get the most depressed. The holidays are over, and there's no more "WORLD PEACE" intiative. New years is gone, and the chance to start fresh is long gone. Finals are over, we have our grades, and we're stuck with them. Mrs. Sauve is in the hospital this year, which makes it worse. We have a lull of STUDYING AND WORKING HARD IN SCHOOL before Valentines day, my birthday, saint patricks day...It's a long time since the year started and there was an excuse for everything, and it's too far from the end of the year to get excited about summer, or ninth grade, or to just slack off. I'd like to quote Max Epstein's monologue, as best I can, since I don't remember all of it.
"Tom, you've got to get out of this funk. I know Christie dumped you, and that really sucks, but...Okay, remember the time last year when I got hit in the eye with a golf ball, and had to wear that patch? Kids called me Popeye or The Retarted Pirate for months!! Yeah, that was devastating. Or how about when Wendy dumped me for my brother! I mean, talk about suckola, that was betrayal times two! Or, ok get this. You ready? Yesterday, I found out I'm failing English, and I have to take the whole class over again next year!! HOW PATHETIC IS THAT? I'M FLUNKING MY OWN LANGUAGE!! Well Tom, I'm glad...I'm glad you're feeling better...because I just THOROUGHLY depressed myself."
So, I'm kinda down in the dumps...but I got a new layout...it's a palm tree or somethang...but i've got a new outlook on life, which I'll be sharing next entry
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| They like me, they really really like me! |
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January 30, 2005] |
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mood |
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creative |
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music |
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Coldplay |
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Anyway...that was fun, I can't believe the weekends almost over!! ALREADY!!! oh well...
They dont let u take cameras into the awards...so here are some before and after pics..I look like shit in all of them but I'm posting them anyway
OH and Just fyi holy fucking fucking fuck these pictures are big so ur gonna have to scroll over to see them...sorry but I just pasted them all in and i really dont want to resize them at this exact moment.
( PICTURES FROM THE DGA AWARDS )
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| leave one day come back another |
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January 30, 2005] |
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Just got home, left 5:00 Saturday evening, came home 1:00 Sunday morning. THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUN. DGA awards, then Trader Vics, and limo home singing the ramones with a producer, a PA, a writer, and a cameraman from ER. All in their 20s-40s and a helluva good time. I have pictures, show you tomorrow.
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| I see skys of blue...and clouds of white |
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January 29, 2005] |
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When I walk around my neighborhood I see the people doing yardwork and walking their dogs and the trees blowing in the wind. What am I doing with my life? What the fuck is all this? Constantly going in and out and out and in I'm at Kaitlin's I'm at Brooke's I'm at Savon I'm at walgreens I'm at the library (but not to read lol Michael and B) I'm at theatre I'm at the movies I'm at school I'm at rehersal I'm at other rehersal I'm writing songs and lyrics on the piano (which I dont even fucking play) I'm doing my book review I'm reading the wind in the willows I'm jumping up and down listening to the Violent Femmes I'm watching the drama occur in everyone's lives but mine...what the fuck is it all for? I guess this is all part of the greater journey in life...but where is it all getting me? I need to do something...I need to do something BIG. I need to make a difference I need to change lives. But...how? Well you'll all find out soon enough.
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